1. Living next to the water makes me feel like I am home.

2. Living on an island with 2 volcanoes makes me feel like I am in another world.

3. I can recognize each child's cry.

4. Silly Amy thought Mexican food was in ALL of Central America...nope. I am in the land of rice and beans.

5. There are a lot of lies, junk, and ugly parts of me that God is drawing out.

6. Washing clothes by hand is a full upper body workout.

7. Happy Birthday Stacey...love you pookie and miss you

    8. Read Und er the Overpass...NOW

    9. Having all the little girls sit in my lap makes me think of you Mom. Thanks for a lifetime of lap snuggling.

   10.I started drinking instant coffee to taste something other than rice and beans...PS I don't drink coffee.

   11.Every party has a pinata.

12. I am spoiled, I have a toilet seat.

13.God is not interested in making us happy, He is interested in making us better.

(written Monday the 18th)

Yesterday when I was watching another amazing Nicaraguan sunset I felt like God wanted more of that. More stillness and silence. It was confirmed after reading Hebrews 4:1 "Therefore, since the promise of entering his rest still stands, let is be careful that none of you be found to have fallen short of it." So today I am resting and fasting before the Lord (with some loud Latin music blaring from the kitchen in the background).

God has brought some issues up in me that I wanted to process and begin to address. Funny how when you are digging more into HIm and His holy presence that the Spirit brings out the issues to be dealt with so you can enter more fully into that presence.

The 1st issue was brought up in Palenque and that is my acceptance issues. I talked about them some in my past blogs and it annoys me I still have this issue in my life. I am confident with my identity in Christ and I thought I had dealt with those already in my past. I guess some past pains are so deeply rooted that they become a part of us. I know that Christ can conquer those pains. But it is a trigger point for me so knowing that about myself and not trying to deny it makes me more prepared. God wants to battle with me every time I have to go to war with those thoughts. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!

The next lie God wanted me to deal with was to change my definition of simple. One day at our daily team meeting we were all going around checking in. I had nothing. Everyone else had a deep, insightful, spiritual lesson learned. I was thinking geez how do we have something everyday. So when I shared that I don't always go to the places their brains go and have deep lessons learned everyday...I started crying. CRAP. Here is another lie I have believed about myself. I viewed myself as simple minded and that the word simple has a negative meaning. My old friend always tried to simplify her life and to live and be simple. I thought she was illy. Simple is boring (lie in my head). God wants me to see simple as beautiful. I am not complicated. I see things pretty much at face value. My brain does not run 100 mph and thank goodness. God made me to be me and to love who I am. Simply beautiful. Thank you for freeing me of expectations I had of myself. Simply freeing.

Simple...not such a bad word after all.

The last one is the hardest. God is calling me to love someone in my life in a completely new and different way. The ‘love' I showed this person in the past was not love. It was judgement, rejection, and ugliness. I viewed myself as better than this person. LIE!! I want to get over myself once and for all. NO more pretty words. Make it real. Break me free of the lies. Take them all. I do not want to cling to them anymore. So today I begin to learn how to love through Christ's eyes and not my own because I am blind. But through Christ I see.

So there it is. All my ugly crap for you to see. I'm over looking pretty for others. When you see me- see it all. See the lies I have believed of being rejected, simple, and thinking I am better than others (funny the 1st and 3rd are opposites). And see the truth that God is instilling in me: I am accepted, simple is beautiful, and to love as Christ loves you.

I now get to end the day of silence by sharing all these lessons with my team. I end the fast by taking communion with my family. Know this- SIMPLY - God is good!

Saturday night it hit me. This is too hard. I cannot do this trip for a year. How can I emotionally handle all this? I want to go home to where it is easy. The people there know me and speak my language. Wasn't it enough serving you on the leadership team at my church? Life in Atlanta was easier than this. So for the evening I was broken.

Saturday we took our weekly trip into town to get on the internet and handle logistics stuff. It was the 1st time I had been able to talk to my family since being here in Ometepe. It was so nice to hear their voices and to let their love wash over me. But something changed, I was getting angry and in a bad mood by the end of the day. We were planning on doing church together when we returned to Cicrin and I was not in the mood. By the time I made it to the room all I could do was lay on my bed to escape.

I had no where to run. No quiet place that I could shut the world out. There were kids everywhere and a group of veterinarians from the US that were here for the week also. There was noise everywhere and all I wanted to do was escape. So I rolled on my side and turned my ipod up to full blast. If I could only hear Sara Groves singing to me I would be all alone. That is when the tears came. I had no idea why. Why is it so hard right now? I didn't even know these emotions were building up in me. I just wanted to sit in my own pile of brokenness and let it overcome me. And I did.

But then something happened. I felt mutiple people rubbing and scrathching my back. And for a moment I saw Jesus sitting on the floor next to my bed just loving me, holding me, soothing me. That is what some of the girls in my team did for me. Through their gentleness they were being Christ to me. It was the soothing my soul needed.

A few days later when I was talking to the girls about what all that was about, I was still not completely sure. I am not homesick. I know that this is where God called me and I feel peace in that. But for the moment I was broken and they were Jesus to me. I am at home.

John 14:23 "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teachings. My father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him."

As I write this I am sitting on the pavilion at Cicrin Orphanage on the island of Ometepe in Nicaragua. I feel like I am at home here because I am surrounded by water. The orphanage overlooks Lake Nicaragua and is so serene.

Before I begin to process the transition of coming here I want to reflect on time we spent in Granada before we came here. The 3 teams who are working in Nicaragua stayed in Granada for a few days to be briefed on the country by our AIM contact, Charles Kaye. From the moment he opened his mouth every single one of us became captivated by every word he spoke. It wasn't just the calmness that he spoke in, it was the authority and freedom in Christ that drew us...me in.